Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
