thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He felt like a one man threesome
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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