WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
