Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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