how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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