your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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