Apparently you make a good broom.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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