Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
