im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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