u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize