**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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