remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
