remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
