Your face is a jimmy john
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
