I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize