what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
