I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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