the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
