My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
