i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
