god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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