My first STD was from a foam party
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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