we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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