Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize