Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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