JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
