I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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