pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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