Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My balls are so social today.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
