If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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