her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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