Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
