Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
