its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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