I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
