Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
