Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
