I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
