We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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