Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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