wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
