I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
