Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
