I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
