I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
