we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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