Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
