then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
