why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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