i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize