when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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