my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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