wakey wakey hands off snakey
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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