3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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