My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
