i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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