Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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