this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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