This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
