My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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