At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
