she was so not down for the gang bang
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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