i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
