how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize