You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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