Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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