Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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