i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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