She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
