No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
