I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
