hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
