I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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