So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
