You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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