As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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