Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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