Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
