forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
