you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
