Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
