i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize