there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
