i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You are a genius and a whore.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
