I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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