Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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