she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
