I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
