WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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