well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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