Cold hands, warm shart.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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