the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
