is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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