So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
