ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
