sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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