why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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