my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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