She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
