the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
