I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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