yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
