Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
