I wish I could teleport
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
