..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
