OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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