she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would fuck him just for his dog
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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