In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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